Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
