the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Randomize
