ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
