I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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