Sponge bath it is.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
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Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
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If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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