I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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