If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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