There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I just pynch a tree in the face
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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