I heard we made out
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
you made out with another girl for some wings
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Randomize
