there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
