I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
