is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
false alarm. still invincible.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
