Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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