So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Randomize
