he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
