Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
