You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Randomize
