what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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