This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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