Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
