my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
It's blow job season.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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