Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
