Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
20 People Confess What It’s Really Like To Live Under Sharia Law
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
21 Texts That Prove All the Magic Happens in Parking Lots
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.