i just wanna soil my oats bro
i think i have herpe
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.