Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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