Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Randomize
