see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
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His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
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my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.