yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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