I just saw a hot homeless man
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"