No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Everclear isn't food dammit
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
