I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
