Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
That accounts for only three of the penises
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
