you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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