he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
