goodnight i made you a song goodbye
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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