giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
