His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I looked at my own cervix.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
