If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
