guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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