He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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