he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Just high enough for therapy.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
