I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
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