Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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