Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
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