I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
