How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
