u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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