May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
