If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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