Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
How does it feel to date your dad?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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