i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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