i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize