He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
