Duck Duck Cougar?
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
