i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
