Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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