Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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