dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
