He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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