Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
