Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
