You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
