I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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