whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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