Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
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