yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
