it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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