he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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