one two three fourrrrnication!
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
