now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
