New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
My penis needs a shock collar
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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