you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
