It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
