By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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