Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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