This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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