Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
