so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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