Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
