This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
He shit in the fireplace
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
