I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
