Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
tell me about the fingering
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
