But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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