I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
this beer tastes like vomit already
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Randomize
