I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
