Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
